Grounded
by devilluck
Summary: Arthur fears he'll lose Merlin to magic.


Title: Grounded

Author: devilluck

Rating: K+

Warning/spoilers: Usual – unbetaed, rushed. No spoilers that I can think of.

Disclaimer: Not mine!

Summary: Arthur fears he'll lose Merlin to magic.

*****

Every day he feels himself drowning; suffocating under the pressure, deeper and deeper. His head fills with fog, until it becomes difficult for him to think straight. Thoughts become muddled, all his focus on acting like himself (and really, one shouldn't have to act like oneself, it should be natural). A few whispered words, a flash of golden eyes, and he can breathe again. He can smile, can talk to Gwen, can do all the thousand things that he should be able to anyway.

It's not that Merlin's addicted to his magic. More that _it's_ addicted to _him. _As a vessel of magic (and how Arthur hates it when he says that, how he hates to think of Merlin as anything other than his), he's used to the Old Religion using him as an outlet. Really, he can almost understand why Nimueh lost all sense of reason; with this much power coursing through her, choking her, it's a wonder she didn't lose herself entirely. Merlin would fear for his own wellbeing were it not for Arthur.

It's not that Arthur is jealous of Merlin's magic. He just resents the power it has over Merlin, the lack of control he holds. He hates the way it takes Merlin somewhere he quite clearly cannot follow. Arthur watches from the shadows, seeing the look of contentment spread over the other man's face as he performs a spell. That is something Arthur can never give him, that freedom.

"Arthur?" Merlin opened his eyes to find Arthur watching him, an inscrutable look on his face. As soon as the blond was aware he was being watched, he pulled his face into a sneer, an expression Merlin had not seen for many years.

"Now you're just being a prat."

"I haven't even said anything, _Mer_lin."

Merlin half-smiled, still breathless from magic. "What can I say? You have a talent."

Arthur rolled his eyes quite obviously before rubbing a hand over his eyes. Merlin instantly frowned, moving closer. "Arthur? What's wrong?"

Arthur sighed, walking closer to the warlock. "What does it feel like?"

"Magic? I can't explain it. Imagine…imagine you've been in the dark for days. And then the sun shines through, and all you can think about is its warmth, and how much you've missed the light."

Arthur turned his head away, eyes looking firmly out the window. Confused, Merlin moved closer, trying to meet the other man's gaze. Arthur's arms suddenly shot out, pulling Merlin into his body as the warlock gave out a squawk of surprise. "I don't want to lose you to magic." Arthur muttered, voice barely reaching Merlin's ears.

"Arthur, you prat, you won't. If magic is my sun, you're…my candle."

"Are you calling me dim?" Arthur asked, outrage evident in his voice.

"Well…that's not the point of this, but since you brought it up…" Merlin sniggered, ducking the hit Arthur aimed at his head.

"Somehow I don't think this is as comforting as you planned it to be, _Mer_lin."

Merlin thought for a moment. "You're…my light in the darkness. I might want to stay in the sun, but I know it's safe to come back if you're here."

"But eventually you might decide that only the sun will do." By now Arthur's voice was no more than a whisper, afraid to reveal too many of his fears.

"Look, the sun might be brighter and bigger-"

Arthur interrupted suddenly. "Stop this analogy, Merlin, I'm beginning to feel quite inadequate."

"Oh, anything but, my King." Merlin leered, unable to avoid the hit this time.

"On with it, Merlin!" Arthur warned, failing to hide his laughter.

"Alright. Magic does call to me, and it possible that someday I could succumb to it and go insane-"

"Not already there?"

"Shut up, prat. My point _being _- yes, it does want me, and yes, I do want it – but I want you more. You…ground me, I suppose. You stop the magic taking over. As long as I know you're here then, much to my confusion, I'll keep coming back. Satisfied?"

Arthur pulled Merlin closer to him and kissed him roughly, before resting their foreheads together. "Magic's never getting you, you understand?" He whispered coarsely. "I'll always be here. It can't have you."

Merlin grinned at him sweetly, making Arthur's heart ache. "That's what I'm counting on."

*****

Reviews are much appreciated, as always.


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